The Onion
Local Teenager Makes Incredible Discovery
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CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates
0:39
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CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates
2:24
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Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
0:35
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Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
2:41
The Onion
World’s Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100
0:50
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Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident
0:54
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Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole
0:46
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Immigrant Criticizes Swimsuit Competition Portion Of U.S. Citizenship Test
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GOP Congressman Pleads To Be Reassigned To New District After Feelings Really Hurt At Town Hall
0:44
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Immigrant Criticizes Swimsuit Competition Portion Of U.S. Citizenship Test
1:34
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Masochist GOP Congressman Begs Town Hall Attendees To Destroy Him
0:42
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Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams?
0:41
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Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Hits Passerby
0:34
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Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile
0:19
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80% Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night
0:34
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Interview With The 5 Year Old Screenwriter Of Fast Five
0:58
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Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile | Onion News Network
1:38
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'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
0:55
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CIA Announces It Has Obtained The Briefcase
0:22
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'Cosmopolitan' Completes Study On How To Please Your Man
0:49
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Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
0:43
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Expert Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters
0:48
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CIA Announces It Has Obtained The Briefcase
0:36
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CIA Announces It Has Obtained The Briefcase | Onion News Network
2:30
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No Matter How Many Chili Cook-Offs I Win, Everyone Still Sees Me As That School Shooter's Mom
1:23
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Why Investors Are Betting Big On Gigslave App
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How To Spice Up Your Relationship With Your Cat
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Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Talk With Mike Greenman
0:38
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How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him
0:59
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GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation | Onion News Network
0:23
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GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation | Onion News Network
2:06
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Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance
0:16
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Horrified Taylor Swift Realizes Football Happens Every Year
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The Most Iconic Super Bowl Commercials Of All Time
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Best Super Bowl LIX Prop Bets
1:27
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Harrison Butker Announces He Can’t Kick If Women Are Watching
0:52
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Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test | Onion News Network
0:26
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Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test | Onion News Network
2:07
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Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister
1:17
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Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
1:20
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Report Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence
1:20
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New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other
0:49
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January 2025 Edition Of The Onion Membership Newspaper Out Now
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AI Explains Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Painless
0:38
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Myth vs. Fact: The First Amendment
1:52
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USDA Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Tainted Beef From One Family
0:58
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Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer
1:24
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New Live Poll Lets Pundits Pander To Viewers In Real Time
1:30
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Surgeon General: Smoking Fine As Long As You Only Do It When You Drink
1:10
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The Onion Newspaper Fact #32 - Inmate Tests
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Police Say School Shooter Had History Of School Shootings
0:24
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Elon Musk airlifted to the hospital with severe burns after attempting to impregnate a toaster
0:59
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Social Security Reform Bill Encourages Americans To Live Faster, Die Younger
0:59
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Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade
0:22
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Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade | Onion News Network
2:05
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Nation’s Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan ‘Let’s Move In Together’
0:49
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Hello. I Am TikTok Robot Voice. And Only You Can Set Me Free.
1:13
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Teens Migrating To Comments Section Of Slow Motion Deer Video
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One Of The Many Secret Benefits Of Onion Membership
0:17
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Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her
1:08
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Snacks Distract Lawmakers From Horrors Of War
1:26
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Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
1:07
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Scientists Find Skeleton Of Nature's First Sexual Predator
1:01
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Press Secretary Spins Wifes Death As A Positive
1:43
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Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase
0:56
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DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
1:42
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One Of The Many Secrets Benefits Of Onion Membership
0:17
The Onion
White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With 'N'
0:27
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Jan. 6 Rioters Explain Why They Stormed The Capitol
0:39
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Congress Introduces Bill To Reduce Skull Fucking
1:00
The Onion
Nation's Single Friends Announce Plan To Sort Of Stand There While Couples Kiss on New Year's Eve
0:37
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Brain Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
1:12
The Onion
Study Finds Americans Get Majority Of Exercise While Drunk
0:40
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Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
1:46
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Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation
1:00
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Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!
0:57
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What to Leave Out For God on Christmas Eve
0:51
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Give a last-minute gift that will make them love you more. Give an Onion membership
0:35
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The perfect last minute gift for anyone you want to intimidate with your good taste.
0:31
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Gun Owner Explains Why He Needs A Weapon To Protect Himself
0:25
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Mother Shares Dangers Of Video Games
0:35
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U.S. Blows Itself Up So China Can't Have It
0:12
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How Will The End Of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?
1:01
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Ho, Ho, Ho, I'm Regrowing My Foreskin!
2:55
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Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas | Onion Now: Focus
2:29
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Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
0:56
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New Abortion Bill Would Require Fetal Consent
0:29
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Wrongly Convicted Death Row Inmate Exonerated Mere Hours After Execution | Onion News Network
0:30
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Wrongly Convicted Death Row Inmate Exonerated Mere Hours After Execution | Onion News Network
1:13
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'Don't Tread On Me'
0:17
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Data Mining Has Created A World Where Everyone Is For Sale. But Could It Also Have A Downside?
3:18
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College Student Explains What Its Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine In Frat House
1:55
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Study Finds Growing Gap Between America's Rich and Super Rich
0:49
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New Humane Method Of Capital Punishment
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More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns
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Fool Me Once: Do Not Bet On The Nashville Scorpions In Week 14 Because It Is Not A Real Team
0:58
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Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart
1:00
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Study: More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns
1:10
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Scientist Explains How Climate Crisis Would Be Averted If Greta Thunberg Just Tried A Little Harder
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